As I texted my safety friend to let him know everything was alright all I could think of was that I’d never have that kind of sex again and that I may never see him in person again.It is a great feeling when someone who is exactly my type makes you feel alive and sexy and desirable and I guess…no I KNOW that I want that in a relationship. I had not done a hook up in years and the last time I was on a hard rebound so my reasons were more about payback than satisfying a sensual need.The next days, weeks, and months at that school were difficult.
For quite a bit I questioned if it was something I’d done.
I was afraid that maybe I’d become bitter or thirsty without knowing it and scared him off, but was to find out a short time later that though he explicitly said no when I asked him the first time we went out, that he was very much married.
When I got there I found there were five guys and they all expected me…Anyway…that day was…tough and although they did not vaginally rape me they other things that happened… There is a stretch of time of about an hour that I have never been able to re-call and I never want to.
What I do remember is leaving that house and thinking about walking into traffic and ending it all and a girl named Monica who was driving her car saw me standing on the edge of a cross walk through the highway and seemed t know there was something wrong.
Dating in NYC is an acutal sport and I wasn’t in the mood to play that game so then I heard about this app called Pure.